Dramatis personae
Graeme Smith (South Africa, Captain, World XI)
Jacques Kallis (South Africa)
Inzamam-ul-Haq (Pakistan)
Shoaib Akhtar (Pakistan)
Virender Sehwag (India)
Rahul Dravid (India)
Brian Lara (West Indies)
Andrew Flintoff (England)
Daniel Vettori (New Zealand)
Muttiah Muralitharan (Sri Lanka)
(Time: A day before the Super Series Test match between the World XI and Australia. Venue: Sydney Cricket Ground. Some of the World XI players are getting ready for a practice session.)
Smith: (runs fast) I’ll stand at first slip.
Inzamam: (who couldn’t run fast) No, that’s my position. I’m the CAPTAIN (he stresses) of Pakistan cricket team. I usually field in that position.
Smith: But, I’m known as the best fielder in first slip.
Inzamam: Who told you? You just started out. I’m much more experienced than you.
Flintoff: But, Smith is the captain of the World XI. He decides who should field at what position.
Inzamam: (bellows) You mind your business. (After a pause) Actually, I was not at all interested in coming over here. You guys did not include me in the original squad. Now, you are insulting me by asking me to field at third slip.
Smith: (angrily) Hello! I didn’t select the squad.
Dravid: (in a pleading voice) Enough, guys. Stay cool. Let’s start the practice.
Smith: OK. Come on, boys.
(Sehwag chuckles and exchanges glances with Inzamam.)
Smith: (Turning to Sehwag) Virender, why did you chuckle?
Muralitharan: (in an offended voice) Who is chucking?
(Nobody answers him.)
Sehwag: (with a look of mock surprise) Why? Should I take permission from you even to chuckle?
(Inzamam walks to first slip position and tries to elbow Smith out from there.)
Smith (in a hurt voice): OK, I give up. Anyway, I know that you are an aal… (stops midway on seeing Inzy’s expression.)
Inzamam: (furiously) What! How dare you?
Smith: (in a frightened voice) No…no, I….I….I just said that I wanted to go to the loo.
(Inzamam is not convinced, and glares at Smith.)
Smith: (ignoring him) OK, boys… (Sehwag chuckles once again). OK, let Brian bat first. (Lara moves to the batting crease totally oblivious of the happenings around.) Shoaib, you can bowl the first over.
Shoaib Akhtar: (who was staring all along at Inzamam) No, I’m not in a mood.
Smith: What! Not in a mood!
Akhtar: Well, I have got an injury. Pulled my hamstring.
Smith: (angrily) Then, why did you come here? Why didn’t you tell me earlier?
Akhtar: (hoarsely) I don’t have to tell you. I will tell the Pakistan Cricket Board after I reach home.
Sehwag: (intervening) Graeme, you can’t talk to him like that. He is somebody. He is even getting offers to act in Bollywood movies, you know.
(Akhtar smiles at Sehwag appreciatively. Then, he turns his back on Smith and starts his long stride towards the pavilion.
Sehwag bursts out laughing. Smith ignores him this time, and turns to Flintoff and Kallis.)
Smith: Come on, boys.
(Flintoff and Kallis pretend not hear his voice and continue their conversation about the ICC Player of the Year Award which they won.)
Kallis: I knew that you too would get the award.
Flintoff: Really?
Kallis: Your performance against the Australians was outstanding. By the way, what are you chewing?
Flintoff: Oh, that’s a breath-freshening mint. Simon Jones too likes it.
(Suddenly they hear a noise. Nathan Bracken, the Australian quickie, who was hiding behind the nets overhearing what they were talking, runs excitedly towards his Aussie dressing-room.
Lara, in the meanwhile, gives his bat to Vettori, takes the ball from him and goes to the bowling crease. Muralitharan takes one of the bails in his hand and bowls a wrong ‘un at Smith.)
Smith: (despairingly) Will somebody tell me what is going on here?
Curtains.
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