Monday, January 30, 2006

Politically correct statements in a Ph. D thesis

"It has long been known..."
I didn't look up the original reference.

"A definite trend is evident..."
The data is practically useless.

"While it has not been possible to provide definite answers to the questions..."
An unsuccessful experiment, but I still hope to get it published.

"Three of the samples were chosen for detailed study..."
The other results didn't make any sense.

"Typical results are shown..."
This is the prettiest graph.

"These results will be in a subsequent report..."
I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.

"The most reliable results are obtained by xxxxx..."
Xxxxx was my graduate student; his grade depended on this.

"In my experience..."

"In case after case..."

"In a series of cases..."

"It is believed that..."
I think.

"It is generally believed that..."
A couple of other guys think so too.

"Correct within an order of magnitude..."

"According to the statistical analysis..."
Rumor has it.

"A statistically oriented projection of the significance of these findings..."
A wild guess.

"A careful analysis of obtainable data..."
Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass of beer.

"It is clear that much additional work will be required before a complete understanding of this phenomena occurs..."

I don't understand it.

"After additional study by my colleagues..."
They don't understand it either.

"Thanks are due to Mr. Smith for assisstance with the experiment and Miss Jones for valuable discussions..."
Harry Smith did the experiment and Mary Jones explained to me what it meant.

"A highly significant area for exploratory study..."
A totally useless topic selected by my committee.

"It is hoped that this study will stimulate further investigation in this field..."
I quit.

1 comment:

Supremus said...


This was awesome dude - I am goinna forward this to my friends!